Grade 12, Ikageng
For many years my mother and the family as a whole prayed non-stop – they were praying, actually we werel praying – for a son, a brother, a cousin. Was that too much to ask from God – just a simple thing – a baby boy who can carry the name of my mother and father forward by passing the surname from one generation to another, by getting married and having a lot of children?
My mother had five daughters, not that she wanted to but because she had that hope in her heart that whenever she got pregnant it would be a boy. But God did not agree. That’s why she ended up with many daughters, of which I was the oldest of all. My mother loved us regardless of our gender. She used to leave us all alone at home and go to Johannesburg to buy clothes and other stuff to sell and make ends meet so that we do not go to bed with an empty stomach in her presence. She didn’t stop there. She also sold oil (trans fats). We had to wake up early before we went to school. We would start the day by helping her cook the trans fats for month-end selling. We do that even today.
I know you are wondering about the where abouts of the father during this time. My father has two wives actually. My mother is the second wife. The unusual thing about this polygamous marriage is that the second wife is usually loved and treated nicely on many occasions. That never happened with my mother because whenever my father had money, even though he was not working but when he had some money, all the money would be given to the old wife, leaving us and my mother hungry and helpless.
The elder wife had a working child but my father didn’t care. He even chose rather to use the money for alcohol than give it to my mother and us. Even if we had no money to buy school uniforms, he would turn a blind eye to us.
There was a time when my mother was away and we were all alone. I was at school and my younger sisters were left all alone at home because their teachers said they must not come to school on that day.
My father’s brother came by and found them all alone at home. He was mentally disturbed and he was taking pills to ease his sickness and that was the reason why he stopped by our house- he wanted to take his pills and pass by but he found my siblingsall alone and he gave a number of his pills to them. Imagine two little girls taking many pills without even eating anything. I came back from school and found them: one was asleep and the other was strolling up and down. Luckily, there was a boy from next door who was also there when all this happened and he told his mother that the man from next door gave them sweets and we concluded that my uncle tricked them by saying it was sweets and they consumed them. I tried to talk to my sister, trying to wake her up, “Nelly, wake up… wake up…” but she could only say, “Mhh… mhh,” but no voice came out. I also tried to talk to the one who was awake, “Ncamu, what’s going on?” but instead of replying she ran as fast as a bullet. I tried to catch her but I failed. Luckily, the neighbours were starting to come by and they were able to catch her but she had a lot of energy. It was not easy to hold her. She even injured herself by the gate. All of this happened while my mother was in town, but the neighbours helped by calling an ambulance. It took its own time to arrive and the one who was sleepy was starting to shake and I couldn’t take it anymore- I was crying. I thought I was going to lose my sisters, as young as I was. I prayed to God to save them while my mother was called to come back from town. She arrived at the same time as the ambulance and she was so lost and confused because what happened was unexpected. It came from somewhere around the forest and struck our home without asking and considering our situation. My mother went into the ambulance immediately after alighting from the taxi because my sisters were already inside the ambulance.
They arrived at the hospital as fast as they could but by that time, they were uncontrollable. The nurses had to tie them to their beds because they were jumping up and down and they were also dangerous to the surrounding people. My father did not bother himself by going to the hospital and seeing how they were doing. Despite that, God did not leave us because they stayed there for only two days and they were healed and sent back to us where they belong. I was so excited to see them back at home, safe and sound because I couldn’t imagine my life without them. I would have never made it this far. Maybe I would have also ended along the way, let alone if they were also mentally disturbed like the one who gave them the pills. I felt so relieved when I first saw them because I could not concentrate at school. I felt all of that because I loved and cared for them unconditionally like any other elder sister would.
Years went by, one followed by the other but still there was no baby boy, no brother to be found near us nor my mother. There was still hope because we trusted God even though we had waited for a long time for the miracle to happen, for the power of the Man above to intervene. At last, my mother fell pregnant and we had to wait for nine months so that we could see whether it was a boy or a girl because she couldn’t afford to go for a scan and prepare for the upcoming baby. We waited until we could meet the baby. Months passed as fast as they could and by the blink of an eye my mother gave birth to a strong, healthy boy who was light in colour. He seemed so full of life. That was on 20 December 2014. He was really a God- sent because he decided to show up when it was Christmas time. We only met him on the twenty-third because he needed to be monitored before going home because he was diagnosed with an unusual disease in our clan and even in the community. He was born with Down Syndrome. Then, I did not know what that word even meant but now that I have learned and done my research, I found out that it meant that he would attend hospital regularly on given dates and he would attend a special school. His eyes were different and his thumbs were straight. His ears were non-rollable, so was his tongue. His life was behind from that of his age group. He brought a lot of joy to my family but he also brought sorrow because he was a very handsome little boy but he was always sick and helpless. His condition was so unpredictable, one minute he was so full of life and the next minute he was deadly ill.
That made our lives so hard because we had to help my mother with him at night because he did not sleep every day, or should I say he spent the majority of his nights awake, not just awake but crying and losing energy. He was only six months-old when his sickness got extremely serious and uncontrollable.
Around May 2015, my mother was going to and from hospital, begging for her one and only son’s life. One Sunday we all woke up as a family and got ready for church because we are a family who believes in Christ and His work, so as usual we headed off to church. Church is far from home so we had to travel by foot because there is no transport that goes there, besides the neighbourhood’s car owners. While we were at church, I could hear my brother breathing so hard when I was holding him. I could feel the pain of breathing that was felt by him but I couldn’t help him to bare it, so he had to go through all of that pain alone even though he was too young for so much pain and agony. What can we say? It is all God’s plan because he is the one who knows our day of birth and our day of death, even the number of days that we will spend in this heartless world. I can say that I felt that my brother was not going to stay with us for a long time because while I was holding him, I could hardly look at his face. At that moment I just gave him to my younger sister because the tears filled my eyes when I looked at him. I just left church and went to the toilet.
When I got there the tears were flowing like a river to the sea and I let them out and cried for the longest time. It was time to go home because the church was out. We arrived home just before dark. I remember my brother was still breathing so hard since that morning. My mother tried everything. She tried all his medicines but still the sound of breathing never stopped. It was time to sleep. My mother was going to sleep with my younger sister on that day and we left to sleep in my grandmother’s hut with my other siblings. What I heard is that they did not sleep a wink because my brother was ill the whole night. He fell asleep around 4 a.m. and that is when they all had a chance to sleep. My mother said while she was asleep, she dreamed of my brother’s death and that was when the sun rose. I was outside in the toilet when I heard my mother crying. I also just cried without even knowing the reason why. I just concluded that my brother was no more. My one and only brother was taken away from us and as soon as I finished in the toilet I got back to the house and I found my mother crying and some neighbours were there around her. She was saying to each one of them, “Please, pray for him.” She said that to everyone arriving at our home because she had that hope that God will never leave her not forsake her. So, she hoped that he would be awakened and God would return him back to her but that never happened.
We lost our brother like that and we were in the middle of our mid-year exams at school, but we made it despite that. We strove and never despaired. We stood strong for our mother’s sake- for our mother’s well-being. While we were crying everyone came and sent their condolences to us and my mother. That moment was so heart-breaking. After all the things that happened, I went back to my calendar and saved the hurtful date. It was 8 June 2015, on a Monday, when we lost our beloved brother and sibling. Was it really worth it?
Dear Brother
Your Memory will Never Fade
“My dear brother now that you are gone
You’re no longer here to share
The bond we had together
A bond of love and care.
Yet, somehow something tells me
You are watching over me
Now that from worldly cares
You finally are free.
I miss you so much,
And my tears I cannot hide
Yet, within my heart, I feel
You are always by my side.
Ever since you went away
Life has never been the same
Yet, it comforts me to know
That one day we’ll meet again.”
Taken from a source: Author Unknown