Grade 9, Pride Learning Academy
As students we are pressured to live up to certain expectations, our educational life planned before it begins. We are expected to thrive through everything we do. But is that what we really want? Sometimes teachers, parents and our community expect us to pass and be the best of ourselves, but the pressure we go through is not for the weak. The long study sessions we have just to prove ourselves to people who are going to doubt us without giving a thought to the poor student who gave it all they had, only to be discouraged by the people they love.
Patience was a student who had excelled in her studies since pre-school, but things were different in high school. In the first term her grades dropped dramatically from being in the top two to being in the top five. As soon as she saw her marks it felt as if she was stuck in an endless abyss, and as soon as her mom got her marks all the comfort walls she had built for herself at home came crushing down while insults stared pouring out of her mom’s mouth.
She was told that she liked boys, had lost focus on her school work, she was going to be pregnant, she was useless, her late father would be very disappointed in her, she wished she had never given birth to her, she was a curse in disguise, she would never make it in life. The pain she felt piercing through her heart was unbearable, the tears flowed from her eyes like a river, and she started suffocating, but the insults did not stop.
She wanted to run out of the room, but if she did, she would be considered rude. Another expectation she had to meet; she stood there motionless like a corpse, deprived of life after being shouted at. Then she went up to her room and sat down in silence, in the dark, cold room as she slowly slipped into depression, but she had to pretend like nothing happened, because she would be labelled dramatic, overreacting, and acting like a child. Those were the insults she received when she tried voicing how she felt.
She resumed school the following day, pushing herself to the limit, but in doing so, she was killing herself. She distanced herself from her friends, focused more on her studies, but still her mother was never pleased with her results, until one day she decided not to try any more. She had lost hope, and any motivation and inspiration she had left her. She became rebel.
Her mother spoke until she gave up, but then her mother realised that she was root cause of it all. She still insulted, her not realising that she was pushing her daughter further away, this happened for nearly half a year until one day when God sent an angel in disguise. Her class teacher had come to the realisation that the once bubbly girl was no longer the same; she had lost the spark in her eyes, the laugher that had once had the ability to turn a bad day into a good one. The once talkative girl was gone, and the poor girl was on the brink of suicide.
Her teacher, Miss Lethukhanya, a name meaning to bring light, sat down with her, trying to find the problem, at first, she was constrained, and felt shy, lying and saying she was okay, until she realised that her teacher was her safe spot, someone to whom she could tell all her problems and worries. Patience stared venting all her problems to her class teacher, and Miss Lethukhanya understood everything that she was going through and tried comforting her. For the first time in months her teacher heard her laugher, and after the one-hour venting session, Patience felt as if the load she had been carrying for months was lifted off her shoulders. Miss Lethukhanya explained to her that Patience was no longer living for herself but was now living for expectations which had drawn the life out of her. Patience’s mother ended up understanding that she put too much expectation on her daughter, and she promised to improve, apologising. From there onwards Patience’s life became a lot easier, the communication between daughter and mother improved a lot, and Patience was back to the bubbly and loving girl she used to be, full of friendliness and surrounded by a positive energy that brought happiness to a lot of people.
Sometimes parents think we are not being serious about our school work, but they don’t know the battle we face emotionally, physically and mentally, and by shouting they are making things worse, they are discouraging and making us feel like trash. As students we sometimes feel like our parents think we enjoy getting low grades and being compared to other learners or people we know, but the truth hurts inside because as people we are born different and we are built differently; we just smile and pretend like it’s all okay but deep inside it’s not. Making competition to motivate a learner is a good thing but it can be done in other ways rather than comparing someone to someone else.
I hope and believe that this message reaches not only students but also parents so that they can reflect on their behaviour and not make further mistakes.