Grade 11, PUSH
All my life I thought my mom would be there to protect me from all harm, but no, I was wrong. I was only seventeen years old, and she left me for a man she had met seventeen days ago.
My mom and I lived in a one-room shack in Alexandra since I was born. My dad left us to “buy milk” when I was only three days old, and when I turned fourteen, my mom fell pregnant with my baby sister; although she is naughty and likes to cry, she is my only sibling.
My mom had been unemployed since I could remember, and the struggle was real. Year in and out, Tesnay, my mom had been preaching about how she would find a job and things would change. Well, she was not wrong, things did indeed change. Two weeks after my seventeenth birthday, my mom got a job at Boxer as a packer. We were so overwhelmed when we found out, as things were about to change for the better, or so we thought.
Tesnay was working for three weeks and could not wait for pay-day to start doing things in the house, but just then she met the love of her life, Mario.
Mario lived two streets away from us and he had a two- bedroomed house with a lounge and open plan kitchen and a bathroom. With Mario in my mom’s life, she started to act weird. She stayed out late and left Rochey and me alone in the unsafe one room. When she returned and Mario left her at the door, she smiled so bright as if she won the Lotto. Mario seemed to be a nice guy, as he always brought us sweets when he came to visit.
Soon enough it was pay-day and my mom was gone all day long. When I got back from my school, Amerald High, she left me with the baby and said, “Mario and I are going to buy food.” And that was it. Literally eight hours later, they returned with two small packets in their hands each, and so drunk they could not stand on their own. Within two minutes of arrival, Mario went home, leaving my drunk mom to sleep.
During the period of their relationship everything went wrong, my mom either went to work late or sometimes not at all, and as a result of this she lost her job. This did not even matter as she didn’t make any changes when she was working; instead, she spent her money on her broke and unemployed boyfriend. Two days after losing her job, Mario asked us to move in with him, and who could resist?
With us living there things for me got so bad, at times I would get back from school and there would be no food, but Tesnay and Mario were drunk. This really negatively impacted my marks at school, but I knew I had to read to change my situation.
Mario started to show he does not like me being there. He would see me cleaning, and then he used dishes and let my mom shout at me for “not washing all the dishes”, or he would pour water on the floor and pretend to slip; then my mom said I didn’t dry the floor properly. The worst was once when I was on my menstruation; after I was using the bathroom he went inside, cut his finger, and let his blood drop on the floor, then he called my mom and asked if it was her blood, but of course she knew it was mine.
After many incidents they chased me away to live alone in the shack. I left and I suffered. Sometimes I would sleep with no food because they “forgot” to dish up for me, or when I got over to ask for food, they were asleep. One Wednesday evening I went to ask for food and they said they forgot to dish up for me; I was so upset I shouted out, “God I would rather die,” and I left. That night I just drank water and went to sleep without praying. At 00:00 AM it was loadshedding so I put a candle in a beer bottle beside me and fell asleep again. Bang! In the middle of the night I heard the door fly open. With the lights off I tried to hide, but with the moonlight shining in, the man could see me. He was wearing black clothes and black balaclava/face mask.
I was so shocked I could not even scream but I was crying to Jesus. Within seconds and this guy was on top of me and undressing me. Quickly I took the beer bottle and hit him hard on the head. As he lifted his hand to feel the wound, I saw a huge scar on his arm and I ran out. I started screaming but nobody came out to help me.
As I turned around, I saw the guy disappear down the road. Out of breath, I ran into the shack and tried my best to secure the door. I fell to the ground and I started praying. Soon I felt warm and fell into a deep sleep right there. Thursday morning at 6 o’clock, I woke up with the cold breeze over me, and I ran out to tell my mom what had happened. As I greeted them, Mario raised his hand to wave and I saw the same scar. Within a split of a second, I found myself on the floor unable to breathe, and I heard my mom shout, “Are you here to cause trouble again?” With tears in my eyes and a limited amount of oxygen entering my body, I ran home and cried.
After twenty minutes I decided to wash and go to school, but I was so late. On my arrival the teacher was shouting at me, and I could not even explain why I was late. School felt so long, but when I got home all I could do was sleep. During the night I was sweating so much and I was scared, thinking about what happened. I was hungry but only drank water, read my Bible, and fell asleep again.
Friday morning I went to school and was fidgeting. At break I went to the feeding-scheme and three periods later, during my Life Orientation period the topic on rape arose, and I went into a shock. I felt how my heart-rate changed and my breathing slowed down. After a few minutes, it was home time and I rushed home.
At home I cried again and all I do was drink water and pray. After hours of praying, I felt better and fell asleep. Bang! I heard the door again and it all came back. As I woke up from the dream, my heart was beating in my neck and I was so wet of the sweat, you would think a bucket of water was thrown out on top of me. I got up and prayed again after reading my Bible. I spoke to God and asked him to step in.
Early the Saturday morning I went to a prayer session at my church. As I stepped in, I felt the presence and cried. The pastor’s wife, Mrs Smith, came over to me and asked what happened; I could not utter a word. She then prayed with me, and after the session she invited me to have a meal with her. We spent the entire day reading the Bible and speaking about God. At 17:30 I went home and prepared my clothes for church. That night I prayed and slept so peacefully.
Sunday morning at church I broke down into tears and Mrs Smith saw I was not fine. After church she spoke to me again, and I could not keep it in, so I told her everything. She then took me to my mom and told her what happened. My mom could believe her ears, and gave me a big, warm hug.
When Mario walked in my mother gave him a warm slap in the face and told him it was over. Mr Smith and his wife then helped us fix the shack and brought us enough food for the month.
A few weeks later my mom got a job at Shoprite as a retailer and things went well. I am not in the process of healing but yesterday my mom worked late, and when I went to lock the burglar gate, I caught Mario staring at me from across the street. The shock I went into was so bad, but when I spoke the name of Jesus, I could feel how my heartbeat eased a bit.