Grade 9, PUSH
Sometimes I wonder what purpose I serve in life. There is so much to life. You need to figure out ways to survive. And I wonder, have I even found a way to survive? When I think on it, it is so complex, I feel like I don’t know what to do or what I am doing. Like I want to do something, but then what if it is not the right thing to do? I know I should be optimistic and keep positive, but it’s hard knowing that deep down inside something is bothering you. But then you just have to suck it up and put a smile on your face, hoping that situation would disappear somehow, but it does not. Hoping that every day will be better than the last one.
It is exhausting having this positive spirit when you are constantly surrounded by negativity. Sometimes I question those who are successful; how did they manage to get where they are?
I have the same vision, but it feels like I’m stuck in the middle of the ocean, struggling to move forward with the same passion, hoping to make a positive impact in life just as they did, but it is difficult.
Life has a tendency to repeat itself, kind of like a cycle, repeating itself over and over again. Just living a life repeating itself over and over again makes me feel like I’m going insane. For me life as a teenager is confusing because so much is expected from you and you don’t want to let anybody down. You at least try to be your best for everyone, for yourself included. Trying to fit in and making sure that everyone is satisfied with what you have to offer knowing that it might not be enough, but you do it anyway. And you tell yourself it is okay, even if you do not get what you deserve.
You just have to accept it and know that it is life, and that you have to adapt to it, no matter how hard or uncomfortable it may seem. Yes, there may be changes, a lot of changes. Certain things and certain people in your life may change as well, and you have to adapt to it.
And then I wonder: does my life even make sense, the way I do things or the way I understand certain things? If only someone was able to understand me completely, because I’m able to understand someone else completely. Would someone do the same for me as I do for them? Sometimes I wonder if I’m strong or clever enough to fight the battle, I question myself so much not realizing that other people go through more than I go through. I should just be grateful for what i have been blessed with. It’s not easy to just think that other people are going through way more than I am. How do I handle it? So much is happening and you don’t know what to do, you don’t always believe that you can do it because you doubt yourself, and you don’t know what to expect.
And you try to change your mindset and look at it differently. You are constantly pushing yourself to be better, to do things better or the right way. I just hope that I make sense to someone, and that they will be willing to do for me as I for them. I hope that I will change and be optimistic. That I will help others without expecting anything in return, and figure out a way to live life without any complaining or confusion from anyone. For it to be easy to understand me. For someone to tell me I make sense, but even if nobody tells me, I won’t give up trying to make a difference.
Trying to show people that I can reach the top and will try my best to be positive, and motivate or encourage people to do the right thing. I mean doing the right thing would not hurt anyone. I know it is not going to be easy, but it is worth the try. There is no time to just sit there and not do anything. But easy does it, taking it step by step. I hope that this will encourage someone, and that I do make sense to someone in this world.